I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
