You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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