I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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