that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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