last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
a search helicopter?!
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
