Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
