pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
