Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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