I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
