he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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