the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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