This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
