i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
