he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
