Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
