I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
