No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
