This dress was meant to end up on your floor
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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