Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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