did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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