im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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