I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
My bed is full of blood and feathers
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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