whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
