If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
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