so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize