i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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