You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
