can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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