she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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