it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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