Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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