So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
