You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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