Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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