We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
where does the pee come out of this thing
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
