thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
