How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
