He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
