dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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