I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
