I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize