i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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