I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
