under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
