so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
