Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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