That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
