So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Randomize
