he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
