Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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