our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
