Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
