I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
