Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
