You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
