I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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