Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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