I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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