it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
